I’m done with chasing people. Caring about people who aren’t willing to put in an effort are just holding me down. Better things are definitely on the horizon.
The world forgetting by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”
I’m getting tired of selfishness. In my experience, a selfish attitude can only get you so far. I mean, even if you want to be in a relationship, you gotta give up a little bit of yourself, Girl or guy, relationships are the same. Even if you take on all the work yourself, you’re gonna burn out. It goes for the workforce as well. If you want to climb a ladder, you’re eventually going to get to a point where you’ll need someone to help you higher, unless you’re willing to use them to get ahead too. But damn, it’ll sure feel lonely at the top. But hell, what do I know?
— Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan
I’m growing really tired of being bummed out. Really tired of being at people’s mercy. Really fucking tired of living the unstable lifestyle I’ve adopted this past month. The thing I’m most tired of is how jealous I get of the people around me, and the harmony they experience. I know that my ship hasn’t come to port yet, but how many more miles until I can sleep?
I’ve seen fireworks 5 times this summer, and all of them with special people. (if not in person, in spirit TORNARD). Officially calling the summer of 2012 my firework summer.
The hardest thing to deal with, I think, in this new experiment of being friends with an ex (if that’s even an appropriate term), is knowing that it’ll never be the same. That the level of closeness and companionship that you and that ex had just can’t happen. It’s a serious void to be filled, no matter who you are. I think that’s why I’ve never done it before, or even attempted it. It’s A lot to handle. Eventually, Pandora’s box opens, and the next thing you know, you’re thinking, “maybe I was too nice” “maybe I should’ve been more aggressive.” ”Did they really care?” It’s really tough to let go and stow those memories away, at least until you find something new.
So I spent the last week on the road to recovery. Here was the formula:
-littered the crap outta my car
-tore the shit outta my bedroom
-drank excessively all week
-chain smoked like No tomorrow
-reconnected with missing links
-burned or repaired bridges
-not give a fuck about anyone’s opinion.
-nights of crying, anger, and depression. Told through poems, songs, and short stories.
A week later, with a clean car, organized room, old/new friends, and a hangover the size of Texas, I’m ready to start up again as Jesse Casco, with a clean slate. I post this because I just feel like sometimes we all need to let our demons loose, clear out our shit, and mend the bridges and roads that all lead to Rome. They had a golden age, we should be given the same opportunity, no?
I just gave relationship advice to someone I want to be with. God damn me hard. I guess that’s what love is. Please find a way to be happy.
I’m curious to know who said, “be mindful what you toss away, be careful what you push away, and think hard before walking away.”. Message me if you know. Do you know?
Someone once told me that you know someone cares about you when you don’t have to keep chasing after them. These words have been plaguing me for the past few months.
I just got some kick ass advice from one of my coworkers regarding my current love life. Made me feel like a possessive little bastard, but yeah. I get it now. I have NOTHING to worry about. Good to get an older person’s advice.
After he shit on me for being a baby, he said, “just remember that nothing is solid at your age. So just ride the waves.”